Can romance last in long term relationships? July 12, 2012 12:15
"Many people believe that romantic love is the same as passionate love, It isn't. Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component. Passionate or obsessive love includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. This kind of love helps drive the shorter relationships but not the longer ones." Yes, love can last in long term relationships and marriage, provided follow these 4 rules for a successful relationship; Be "There" for Your Partner This research shows that husbands and wives who feel supported in their marriages are happier. On the other hand, "feelings of insecurity are generally associated with lower satisfaction, and in some cases may spark conflict in the relationship. This can manifest into obsessive love." To build a successful marriage, both spouses need to be there for each other. Remember the Stages of Love Long-term romantic relationships go through distinct stages of love – and the passionate love at the beginning can’t be sustained throughout the whole marriage!If partners are aware of the “highs and lows” in love, the happier they’ll be for the long-term (because they won’t have unrealistic expectations for romance or passion). Let Go of the Little Things in a Relationship The trivialities of daily life can undermine a loving relationship. Instead of getting caught up in details that are likely petty and unimportant, focus on the big picture.For instance, be grateful that the bathroom is being cleaned (instead of fretting that it wasn’t cleaned with a particular cleanser). Maintain a Strong Friendship in Marriage To build romantic love, take time and energy to be friends with your husband or wife. Learn new things together, such as how to bake a cake or cook some yummy dish. Take an adventure vacation together. Read books together, about companion love and building a happy marriage. Make it a habit to please and give your partner what he or she needs as much as possible. "Couples should strive for love with all the trimmings and couples who've been together a long time and wish to get back their romantic edge should know it is an attainable goal that, like most good things in life, requires energy and devotion."
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Are you a 'pleasing personality’? July 10, 2012 10:36
Who does not want to get recognized for their pleasing personality??? But, it is a big time task to correct and transform your personality into ‘pleasing personality’ and inculcate the traits. learn what are the 12 hurdles that make us stay away from obtaining a pleasing personality, I order to correct your personality; 1. Breaking in and running away with the conversation when others are speaking 2. Sarcasm expressed by insinuations and wise cracks. 3. Vanity expressed by either words or actions is sure to make one unpopular. 4. Indifference in listening while others are speaking is sure to be noticed, and resented by others. It is far more profitable to be a good listener than it is to be a good talker, because one is always out to learn something while listening to others, but never learns anything from hearing himself talk. 5. The attempt to flatter where flattery is obviously not deserved will bring quick resentment from others. 6. The habit of finding fault with the world at large, and people in general is never a popular habit. 7. Openly and directly challenging those with whom one might not agree where there is no obvious reason for doing so, expect the desire to be on the opposite side. 8. Volunteering unsolicited advice to others who have not requested it can make one an intolerable bore. 9. Speaking of one's physical ailments, worries, and personal problems may be tolerated by others, but this habit will never make one welcome or pleasing. 10. Endeavouring to convey an impression of superiority through the use of words and topics unfamiliar to others is a sure fire destroyer of popularity. 11. Envy of those who are successful is a trait which destroys a pleasing personality. 12. Sloppiness in body posture and in clothing never attracts, but always repels others. If you are free from these 12 common habits which make one unpopular, then you most likely have a pleasing personality. If you are not liked by other people you may be sure that there is a reason which you can detect and correct. As long as you can detect which habits are holding you back, there is no reason why you can’t take massive action to eliminate the bad habits. It is vital that you train your mind to always come across as a positive, vibrant and enthusiastic person. This will enable you to gain a massive advantage in both your personal life and your career.
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Common with 'in-laws' not so common to handle??? July 09, 2012 09:42
Many times, it so happens with us that the problem that appears to be common when we see it from a 3rd person’s perspective would not be the same when it comes to us. just like the saas – bahu saga that is a all time favorite watching on T.V. as a serial, but really hard to manage in reality. well, this is not impossible either, let’s find out the common problems with in-laws that we would encounter and handle the same with our smartness; Mistake #1 –– Forget to Call Your Mother-in-Law Regularly––You’ll be amazed how much she appreciates it when you keep in touch with her, and not just when your husband calls! Strive to have an independent relationship and call her at least once a week. You can keep it short or aim for when she’s at Bingo and leave a message on her machine! Mistake #2 –– Forget to Frequently Ask Your Mother-in-Law How She's Feeling––You must do this every time you see or speak to her. As an added touch, offer to accompany her on doctors visits whenever possible. She’ll appreciate that you took the time to care. Mistake #3 –– Don’t Compliment Her Often Enough––Always make her feel good around you. Tell her how pretty, thin, healthy, and young she looks. Say what flattering outfits she's wearing, occasionally asking if you can borrow a certain item of clothing or a purse. Mention that you love her hairstyle, even if she’s wearing a hairpiece (especially if she’s wearing a hairpiece!) Mistake #4 –– Forget Your Mother-in-Law’s Special Days––Your husband will likely forget, so you’ll have to be the one to make sure this gets done, without fail! For her birthday, Mother’s Day and other important holidays, pick out a Hallmark card with the most heart-wrenching sentiments you can find. Make sure your husband signs it too. Better yet, have him write the note from the both of you. Mistake #5 –– Get Defensive with Your Mother-in-Law––This is the easiest mistake to make, but do yourself a favor and practice not taking things personally. If you find yourself getting defensive with your mother-in-law take a deep breath – then another – and make a casual, self-effacing comment–then make some chamomile tea. Be sure to offer your mother-in-law a cup as well––and make sure you have her favorite tea bags on hand at all times. Mistake #6 –– Don’t be Objective When Your Mother-in-Law Criticizes You––If your mother-in-law tells you your hair looks better the other way, enthusiastically thank her by solidly agreeing how difficult it is to be objective about yourself. Then style it that way while she’s visiting. Of course you can change it back when she leaves, although be open to the possibility that she may actually have a point!!! Mistake #7 –– Ask Your Mother-in-Law for Professional Advice––This is a real no-no, because if you try to get her approval, YOU WON’T! If you do try to get her endorsement for the new Pampered Chef Opportunity you’ve been thinking about and she downplays your enthusiasm, simply say, "Wow, you are so right. I’m not going to give this crazy scheme another thought!” Then, buy all her birthday and Christmas gifts with the 40% discount you get from the new business. Mistake #8 –– Expect Your Mother-in-Law to Share Your Interests––Your mother-in-law won’t appreciate the movies, music, books or TV shows you enjoy. While at your home she may even decree, "How can you watch that? It’s so silly." Instead of defending your entertainment choices, simply respond with something to the effect of, “That is just SO true! Then fluff up your pillow and hide the remote until she leaves. Mistake #9 –– Don’t Save Gifts from Your Mother-in-Law For At Least a Year–– When your mother-in-law gives you a gift, make sure you display it prominently in your home, or wear it a lot when she’s around. If it’s not your cup of tea, don’t get rid of it prematurely. There is nothing more humiliating than not being able to produce whatever it may be upon inquiry due to over-hasty re-gifting! Mistake #10 –– Pick out Presents for your Mother-in-Law––The best way to handle gift giving is to let your husband do the buying. Even if the responsibility of holiday shopping usually ends up on your shoulders, give him the assignment of this one single thing––it’ll be worth your while to make sure he follows through! Remember, your mother–in–law is the reason for you to find your husband, fall in love and get married to him. basic respect aur thoda adjustment toh bantaa hai yaar.
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Surprise Your Partner this weekend.... July 07, 2012 16:05
What more could be than two complete holidays to plan accordingly and surprise your partner in a romantic way??? Want to know how??? Then go ahead and read;Write a romantic letter. In these times of facebook and twitter, do something completely against the grain like writing out a love letter for your partner in your own hand. Use a perfumed paper if you have one and sign off with a lipstick kiss. For all you guys rolling your eyes at the lipstick impression, dress up your epistle instead with a satin ribbon like the lovers of yore and you’ll know why Don Juan was such a hit with women. Finally leave it somewhere least expected like in the car dashboard or pinned on his/her pillow. Dedicate a song to your partner. Dedicate a song to your partner on his/her favorite radio station. This works great for music-lovers and especially if you know few of your partner’s favorite numbers. However the catch is to make sure that the radio is on so that your partner does not miss the dedication. It is easy to do this if you both are at home but if your loved one is at work, you could rope in a colleague to ensure that the radio is playing the right station. Climb into the bath with your partner. Climb into the bath with your partner and he/she is sure to be thrilled at the romantic intrusion. Bring along a divine-smelling body wash as well as a loofah and offer to give your partner a nice scrub. The best part about this surprise is that you can either let it end with a relaxing soak and a refreshing shower or take it further to an intimate encounter. Either way, it is sure to make your partner’s day. Buy something special for your partner. An expensive gift like a piece of jewelry or a custom-made men’s accessory, can pleasantly surprise your partner, especially at a time when no birthdays or anniversaries are round the corner. However not all of them need make a dent in your pocket. You could look for something with a special significance like the perfume or cologne that your partner wore the first time you went on a date. A gift like this would not necessarily empty your bank account but work equally well to surprise your partner with romantic memories of the past. Plan a weekend vacation. If you are familiar with your partner’s itinerary, secretly arrange for a weekend getaway and then surprise him/her with the tickets. This might be more difficult to plan if you have kids but consider the time and effort as a kind of investment into the most precious thing you have together – your marriage. Use the time away to reconnect with each other and avoid having discussions on kids, finances or other issues which are likely to act as stress triggers. Buy yourself something sexy to wear. Buy yourself something sexy to wear and model it for your partner. While women may not need any more prodding to splurge on lacy lingerie, it may not be something that men do very often for their partners. So think black silk pajamas or other exotic fabrics like satin. Some women have been known to find even boxer briefs a huge turn on in their men. So guys go ahead, dress yourself and then lap up the look of sheer wonder in your woman’s eyes and the promise of so many better things to follow. Just one word of caution though, try and avoid digging into your wife or girlfriend’s closet for lacy or frilly ideas – you want your partner to be romantically surprised not struck down with horror. Indulge your partner’s taste buds. Food is a significant source of sensual pleasure. Consider what your partner loves best, a simple home-cooked meal with a romantic ambience or exploring new tastes in exotic cuisine. Plan a dinner date around wherever your partner’s culinary fancies lie. It could be something as simple as a home-made pizza with the pepperoni laid out to read a romantic phrase like “you are the one for me”. Or it could be a special dinner at a fancy restaurant with live bands and French menus. The whole idea is to surprise your partner with an invitation to a memorable evening with you. However be careful to choose a day when you know your loved one does not have an important conference or a client-meeting lined up after work. Finally, Be inspired by the famous lines penned by the English poet John Donne from his poem titled ‘Canonization’, “For God’s sake hold your tongue and let me love”. Plant a kiss full on your partners’ lips when he or she is in mid-sentence and especially if the conversation is leading up to an argument. Your partner will be too surprised by the kiss to remember what he or she was saying. And a good thing too, since then you both can go back to doing what you like best-loving one another.
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Facial made of Bird Poop? July 06, 2012 16:21
Would you try a facial that contains bird poop though it promises a glowing and healthy skin? Most women wouldn't back off in the issue of beauty and would go any further to maintain and improve their skin health. Shizuka New York Day Spa in Midtown specializes inJapanese traditional beauty techniques and a recent facial technique that has been gaining popularity is the Geisha Facial. The primary ingredient in this facial may not sound as attractive as the name. Bird poop, which is said to have abundant quantities of guanine, is the major constituent in the facial treatment that costs $180. Aesthetician Asako Nunose says that this treatment is not modern but has a history of many centuries. “It was used by ancient Japanese entertainers whose skin was damaged greatly by the presence of lead in the white makeup they had to wear on their faces. Nightingale droppings made into a paste were applied as a mask on their face to revive the dead cells”, she says. The bird droppings are sanitized in ultraviolet light and mixed with rice bran, exfoliating substances and brightener and made into a paste. The nucleoubase guanine in the droppings has a capacity to impart shine to the skin. The idea of bird poop being applied on the face may not be as pleasing to hear or experience but the after effects sure are. It is speculated that over the coming years the use of biologically derived beauty products would dominate the market. So, prepare yourself mentally to stuff your rack with beauty products obtained from a variety of insects and other creatures. AW- Anil
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Newly married??? Make your first year of marriage the BEST.... July 06, 2012 10:13
You might have come across all those friends and people who you know talking about the first few years of marriage to be terrible, due to the process of adapting yourself in accordance with your partner, in-laws, new set of rules and regulations, un learn some things, change your habits and living to certain or a major extent and most important, living away from your parents and all these year of your life before marriage. On contrary, marriage is also a bliss and especially the first year of marriage can be great, if you think of working on it… the following aspects might help you as your guidelines of dealing with the first year of marriage towards the BEST; You are a partnership; 50/50 If you come into a marriage with archaic notions of 50’s relationships you will not get very far. Men are no longer the hairy hunters, women do not need to be tied to a stove. Just try and remember that if you come home from work one day and the house is a mess and dinner isn’t made. If you have kids, your wife may have spent all day chasing after them. If your wife works, her day most likely sucked as badly as yours. Even if your wife is just at home all day, she’s not obliged to be your servant.Sometimes you cook and clean, sometimes she does. It’s 50/50. Sex is important It’s not everything, but to say it doesn’t play a huge role is fooling yourself. After all, it was physical attraction that most likely brought you together. If you have differing sex drives, that can be rough. Work out a schedule that makes sure you get what you need and so does your partner. And sometimes affection doesn’t have to lead to sex. It’s fine to kiss and cuddle guys. its important that your partner should know you care for him and this is only possible with your body language and actions rather than talking about your love towards him. Learn to suck it up and say sorry. I learned my lesson way too late on this one. Regardless of who started the argument, saying sorry is an easy way to end it. Most likely you were pretty insensitive during the course of the argument and said some nasty things anyway. But when you do apologize, make sure you know what you’re apologizing about. Saying sorry is hard enough for most people, but if her rebuttal is “what are you sorry about” you don’t ever want to answer that with “ummm, whatever it is I did.” That’s a night on the sofa right there. Remember to make time for each other. Once you’re married it’s very easy to forget each other’s needs. Making time does not mean putting on a TV show or a movie and sitting on the sofa for 3 hours (although sometimes that’s nice.but not every night). Make time for dates. This is especially important when you have kids. You got married because you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together. All too often we fall into a pattern of just surviving day today, rather than living and enjoying each other. he is your best friend and your lover. he deserves your full attention, and vice versa. Don't let the in-laws make your life hell. Before your husband started his life with you, he had another life. Just don’t let anyone enter between you both and this should be inculcated by you right in the beginning. Just remember the most important person in your life now is your partner. You can’t pick your parents, you did pick each other. And you’ll hopefully spend the rest of your lives together.
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SLIDESHOW: Look Trendy In Rainy Season Too July 05, 2012 18:46
http://www.andhrawishesh.com/top-slideshows/Look-Trendy-In-Rainy-Season-Too.html?view=detail&id=2583
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Mind blocked up with 'this is it.... end of life' ka thoughts??? July 05, 2012 10:04
To put it in a better way, this is what we call ‘suicidial tendency’… these thoughts are so common in almost every one of us, at least for a fraction of second, during our life time… but, the actual problem is when these thoughts rule more than a second on our mind… Why these thoughts come into our mind??? Many people experience suicidal thoughts at some time in their lives. Individuals with such thoughts may wonder if they are normal.In otherwise healthy people, such thoughts are often brought about by a sudden, unexpected, and usually negative change in life circumstances.Sleep deprivation that can be the result of having a very late bedtime or being unable to go to sleep is just one lifestyle issue that can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and attempts.Suicidal ideation may be part of many mental illnesses, including depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and drug or alcohol abuse.Strong evidence exists that depression and many other forms of mental illness can be passed from parent to child and that a tendency toward suicidal ideation and suicide is likewise inherited.People who have a history of previous suicide threats or attempts are at higher risk of attempting suicide in the future.The risk of developing suicidal thoughts in reaction to medications is thought to be higher in children and teens, although still uncommon, compared to adults.Regular or even occasional intake of drugs or any long term diseases ruling our mind or body can cause these thoughts… How can we rule out these thoughts from our mind??? For the otherwise healthy person with no signs of depression, a psychiatric disorder, or drug or alcohol abuse, fleeting thoughts about death are usually harmless. However, any current desires to die make home care completely inappropriate. If anyone, including the suicidal person has concerns that the person might be depressed or have other difficulties, then home care is not appropriate. A concerned friend, partner, or other loved one should inquire directly about thoughts of suicide.Contrary to conventional wisdom, asking about suicidal thoughts or plans does not put the idea in the person's head.If you are concerned that someone may be depressed or suicidal, then ask in a direct and caring manner.You might simply say, "You seem down to me, and I'm concerned. Is everything all right? Do you have any fear of being alone? Are you experiencing thoughts about death or suicide?"
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The art of being 'CALM'... July 04, 2012 10:38
Sometimes situations do not go as expected. A good day may turn bad, everything may suddenly go wrong. Needless to say, it’s difficult to stay calm in such situations. We tend to become confused, panic or even heated by anger. That won’t help you much to get out of the situation though. Handling a bad situation in such condition will just make it worse; you are more likely to make mistakes. That’s why it’s important to stay calm. By staying calm, you will be able to judge the situation wisely and take the appropriate actions. 1. Take a deep breath.2. Do nothing for 5 minutes.3. Take a nap.4. Take a shower.5. Listen to comforting music.6. Listen to natural sounds.7. Play music.8. Share to a positive friend.9. Meditate.10. Ask “What’s the next action?” and focus on only that one thing.11. Go to nature (mountain, beach, etc.).12. Ride a bike.13. Talk about other topics.14. Drink a bottle of water.15. Play games (just for a while!).16. Go eat with someone who is not part of the situation.17. Exercise.18. Read spiritual texts.19. Listen to spiritual audio programs.20. Unplug the Internet.21. Take a cup of coffee.22. Say to yourself, “This situation is not as bad as it looks. Many people have handled situations worse than this successfully.”23. Be grateful for what you still have (instead of looking at what you don’t have).24. Be grateful for what you can learn from the situation.25. Take a walk around a park.26. Smile.
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Build great relationship with your Teen.... July 03, 2012 09:19
Your kid is no more addicted to you. in fact your presence might seem inconvenience to your Teen kid. on top of all these, your extra love and care appearing to be a hurdle to your Teen, all these and much of a communication gap put together might bring differences between you and your teen kid… as time passes everything would set right. but, why to wait till time come to you??? Sort out differences with your teen kid and build rapport with your kid like never before; Spend weekly time together, one on one.... Of all the advice I ever give, this is one you cannot ignore; Spend individual and focused time with your teen each and every week. Take your child out for breakfast or do a lunch-and make it a habit. Even if they resist or say they are too busy, you must insist. It tells your child, "You are worth spending time with." Meet in a place that you can talk, and come prepared with a topic to discuss of interest to your teen. It doesn't have to take a lot of time. But it should be consistent and planned. Look for opportunities for discussion... Whether you are in the car, watching TV, or just in passing, think about questions you can ask your teenager having to do with moral choices. Make them thought-provoking, open-ended questions about life and decisions we all make. Find out what they think, how they would respond in certain situations, where they would go for help, and why they think a certain way. Reinforce expressions of wisdom from your teen, but never belittle or correct bad thinking. Talk about controversial subjects as you would a friend or co-worker for whom you have extreme respect. Listen more and answer less... If you want your teen to understand you better, then stop telling him or her what you are thinking. That is, wait until you are asked for your opinion. Zip your lip- just be quiet. Stop lecturing, and start listening. Your teen won't be ready to really listen until he is the initiator of the discussion, so just hush up and get out of the way of him taking the lead, then be ready to give an answer when you are asked. Develop a sense of humor... Some of us are sour, bitter, and stressed all of the time. We need to lighten up-especially around sensitive teenagers. When was the last time you really laughed? Sit down and watch some hilarious movies and laugh until you cry. Or, have a joke night-where everyone has to come to dinner with a joke to share. Even if it's corny, everyone laughs, and the tension is broken. Remember your child's past and believe in your child's future... Carry a photo of your child as a youngster with you at all times! Post their baby photo on your refrigerator. This way you'll never forget who this child was, before they turned into an alien in their teen years. Keep in mind the joy of bringing them home at birth and remember that the thumb print of God is still on their life. Establish boundaries... Every good thing in life has its rules and boundaries, including your relationship with your teen. Let them know where they can and can't "go" in your relationship. Tell them what you expect, before something challenges those expectations. Clearly establish your belief system and household rules. Being too lax as a parent and trying to act more as their friend and peer will hurt, not help, your relationship. Selflessly confront their mistakes... Keep in mind that discipline is all about helping your teen, not you. It is for their own good. Confront with calmness and correct with firmness. Demonstrate a love and respect that has their best interests at heart. Your child needs to know you love them enough to correct and discipline them when they behave in ways that offend others or break your household rules or the rules of society. Find healthy ways to discipline through loss of certain freedoms and privileges for a time. Never resort to physical discipline with a teenager and be sure to approach all discipline on a united front with your spouse. And be sure to reward a teen for good behavior by adding more freedoms and privileges. That's more important to them than anything else at this age. Act on your faith and your beliefs... Don't just say or preach it! Put your beliefs into action. Serve others, love others, forgive others, pray, worship. Exercise your faith in front of your teenager.Relationships with teenagers thrive when time is spent together in a setting where everyone agrees that nobody is perfect and unconditional love is delivered across a bridge of friendship. It's a friendship that never stops-even if your teen doesn't respond or goes on making mistakes. And by the way, your teen may never have a long discussion with you; it may always be the instant message version. But listen carefully, because what is said will probably be short and you'll have to do some reading between the lines and asking a few quick questions to clarify what they meant. This signifies that you are really listening and wanting to understand them.
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Why do you fight with your Partner??? June 29, 2012 10:52
A discussion, leading to a heated argument, to a patch up and more romance or a fight and a break up. this is what is a cycle of any relationship. but, have you ever thought why do you actually fight with your Partner, when you say you know him and his moves, thoughts completely??? You're not the only one struggling to sort through whether it makes sense to stay in a relationship. It's often a big step to acknowledge to others that you're having relationship troubles, so it's brave of you to write in. Hopefully, some reflection and conversation with your partner can help you decide what to do. Have you talked with your boyfriend about the situation? It'd be helpful to know whether you're on the same page about whether you want to keep the relationship going, whether you see that there are problems, and whether you're both willing to try to make changes in your behavior to work things out. If you're both dedicated to making changes, you might start by practicing your listening skills. Take turns listening to each other describe what's important to you in a relationship and a partner and what you value about the relationship you have. Rather than focusing on your own feelings, take time to probe and understand what the other person thinks and feels. If you practice this skill when the topic's upbeat, it may help you be more empathetic and considerate when the going gets tough. If you can figure out what you both want from your relationship, it may be time to move on to talking about how you want your relationship to change. Conflict isn't always negative, but it's important to find healthy ways to address it. Here are some ideas: Express your feelings, and take time to listen to the other person's. If you let frustration fester for a long time, things usually get ugly. Be specific about what you want, and be willing to compromise. Stick to one topic at a time-it's not fair or realistic to bombard your partner with a whole laundry list of complaints. Avoid accusations. Instead, focus on certain actions and how they made you feel. Including an outside person (like a counselor or mediator) might help you reconcile some of your differences or offer a neutral perspective. It's really hard to change behavior patterns in general, and probably impossible for you to change your boyfriend's behavior if he's not motivated to change himself. If you aren't both invested, it may be time to move on. People who share intimacy also will be exposed to life situations their casual friends do not see. Most witness the front stage performances of others when out in public. When you live with someone, you also can see what's backstage. You can experience every flaw, every unwise thought, every selfish manipulative move.You can do the most unromantic thing-you share a bathroom! You can see them without make-up or at their ugliest as they wake in the morning and are exposed to smells and sights you would choose to avoid.. Making a relationship work entails compromise and sacrifice. Not everyone does this willingly. Many resent having to sleep on the side of the bed they don't like, having to eat foods they don't prefer at times they don't like, having to socialize with people they really don't care for, and the list can be almost infinite. Frustration creates anger and when this feeling isn't processed, it can be stored and the resentment grows. It can fester and be like little handfulls of dirt thrown on a fire. Over time, the fire goes out. What can be left is bitterness and animosity directed at the person across the kitchen table. Couples have to learn how to release their resentments in constructive ways. Again, good communication and learning to fight fair is paramount. When you can hate the ones you love, learn also to forgive them.
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Break up??? Talk the Nth Time.... June 28, 2012 11:08
We talk about this… we even suggest our friends on this… we end up living in depression, once we face this... welcome to the world of break up…Now, let me be on the other side and suggest how you can actually come out of a post break up syndrome soon…It's like part of you has died. When a relationship ends, you may become more aware of what can be done or learn what to avoid the next time. It's not only advantageous to learn from the past, it's absolutely crucial. How else can you start to identify what satisfies you in a relationship if you don't have a range of experiences.Remember, all of us are flawed. We have to learn how we contributed to our relationship problems. Stop and ponder what you did to cause your loss. After going through some pain, and growth, you can feel more ready to start a meaningful encounter. Take a look at Terry's experience for example. It was traumatic for Terry after Anna, whom he had seen for three years, suddenly broke off the relationship. Without warning, she had told him that it was over because she no longer felt the way she wanted to about him. She described how she always wanted to be "in love" with someone, and had hoped to find a person she could feel this way about forever. Though she liked and loved Terry, Anna insisted that she was not "in love" with him and wanted to begin seeing other people.He felt distraught, like he was going through a nightmare. He had had no inkling that something was amiss between them. He cried and kept wishing she would come back. After some initial attempts to call or write, he soon realized that she had meant what she said and was going her own way. He felt extremely depressed and described how many times in the morning he would wake up and just cry. His moving description of how he would be sitting at the breakfast table and break into tears has remained a lasting memory. He reported feeling resentful whenever he saw other couples enjoying one another; he would think about his loneliness and be filled with regret and disappointment. He didn't feel that he was ready for a superficial relationship. Slowly, he began looking at himself and his interactions with Anna. Instead of repeating the same mistakes blindly by beginning to date someone immediately, he started to realize that he couldn't discount what she had wanted and that he wasn't able to provide it for her; he was unable to be the person with whom she would be "in love" for the rest of her life. He also became aware of what satisfied him in a relationship. He hadn't been willing to compromise. He, for example, liked watching television and would spend free time in front of the tube, when Anna wanted to do other things. If he were to make a future relationship work, he decided he would have to be less controlling and more compromising and flexible. It wasn't long before Terry started to enjoy the freedom of being alone. He began doing more of what he wanted without worrying about whether other people's plans fit into his. If he got an impulse to do something, he did it, regardless of whether others were able to join him. Instead of spending long periods of time waiting for others to call, or hoping others would include him in their plans, he initiated activities. He began reaching out to more people, and when he did date, he didn't become involved with only one woman. He started forming networks of friendships with men and women and his need to have one special person with whom he could relate lessened. He became happier with himself. After a while, he expressed how he felt more ready for a good relationship because he could now be less dependent on his new partner. He also realized that he wouldn't expect as much in his next relationship. He had taken the time to become aware of what he wanted, and had learned to be able to nurture and support himself.Terry's patience and discoveries represent an important example of what many people need to do, but don't allow themselves to experience. He required less of another person and, thus, was able to maintain a better relationship. His potential partners wouldn't have to provide as much to satisfy him. As you can see with Terry's story, loss can provide a time of pain and soul searching. For many, hopefully, it can present an opportunity to develop. The suffering may provide a better conduit to bring some closer to their Higher Power as they understand what's happening isn't just some random incident but may have some deeper meaning.
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