I have been hearing and seeing this from a while now. My Close friend Swetha ended up 8 years of her marriage life, by taking a Divorce from her Husband, Well; she has her own reasons;

Swetha had a happy married life all these years. Both she and her husband were I.T. Professionals. 5 figure pay package, 5 day week work, similar work timings, in – laws staying in a Village (this means no Saas – Bahu, Jhagda), weekend parties, outings, shopping, and most important a 5 year old beautiful, cute, naughty and yet understanding daughter, who is matured enough to act according to the situation and at that age, Okay with her mom not being all the time with her. Seems more than fine right, but if everything is going so good, with no problems and issues, then what made both Swetha and her Husband Prateik get separated? What made them take a decision of let their Child grow, under a Single Parent?

I was shocked to hear to Swetha, when she explained the reason. ‘Yes, I do agree that our life together is happy, with no financial problems and crises. But, as years passed by that ‘Charm’ in our relationship, between us, that was quite prevailing in the initial stages after our marriage, that ‘Magic’ that used to keep us bound together.

It is not that we both never used to fight. Even we have and had issues in understanding each other’s habits, families, likes and dislikes and priorities and mind sets too. But, initially, even we used to fight; somehow, either I or Prateik would take a first step to patch up. But, as time passed by, neither me nor him is motivated to work on our relationship. That, ‘Togetherness’ factor is missing. We have a own flat today, a daughter, our own careers, but even our lives have become separate. I feel we are in a live in relationship, meeting in the evenings in weekdays, and in parties in weekends. There is no point to be together, so it is better to get separated, moving ahead in life, before things becoming even more worst.’

After listening to her thoughts, I started thinking about what is the actual meaning of the ‘Institution of Marriage’ that makes all the other Countries look upto India. And yes, I found the Answer;

‘Marriage is all about commitment that binds two people with a complete different life styles, thought processes for a life time and working on being together for a life time.’ now, you would say, when Human life itself is uncertain, then from where this ‘Being together life time’ has come? I would inturn say, ‘You believe life is uncertain, even if our parents believed the same, and had not bought us into this world, then today you and me would not be together, asking and answering the questions.’

If you believe your relationship with your parents is for life time, accept them as they are, bear with their nagging nature, still love them un conditional, that you should also apply the same believe in ‘Working your Marriage’ too.

•  Even a single thing goes wrong, or every time your partner makes a simple mistake, don’t make a issue out of it. Understand that just like you even your partner is a Human Being, making mistakes is a more common tendency, accept him/ her with all the negatives, and appreciate the positive and good factors of them.

• Marriage is not all about, ‘Magic and Charm’, it’s all about keeping that so called ‘Togetherness, Love and Charm’, alive all the time. infact, the more older your relationship grows, the more bound you should grow to each other. Think in this way and see.

•  Rather than, poking your partner, that he/she does not give you that attention, that time, the importance to you, sit back and think what are you giving to him/her? All the time complaining about your partner, discussing your personal life, with your friends, applying the suggestions given by them, in your personal life, cursing your partner and what not. Just believe that what you give to your partner comes back to you. Now, you decide what do you want to give Love or Hatred?

• Never ever hide anything with your partner. Even if you have done a crime or a mistake, just have guts to tell your partner the same. Truth is one such element that binds any relationship for a life time. Now, it is also your responsibility to make your partner understand your truthfulness. Try and try until you succeed.

• Having a Baby changes your life for a better. This makes you think about your family, responsibilities and yet giving time to your partner. Do not ever consider, inviting this third person, makes the differences arise between you and your partner.

•  I do agree that, be it a Man or a Woman, career for every individual is definitely a priority, but, not at the cost of your relationship and peace. Work on keeping your work timings restricted and devote good amount of time to your family, no matter what.

• Most important, as and when you fight with your partner, or you feel when things are no going well between you both, give some time, let the anger come down, then sit, talk and sort out. It is in you, how you make your partner understand.

• Stop looking out for another option. Your partner is among your soul and not a spare part of a vehicle that you can replace with a new one.
Just understand one thing; nothing makes your life complete rather than a complete family, happy relationship with your partner, not a perfect job, lots of money and no Jwellery.

Hope, all those who are planning for a ‘Divorce’ would stop and think about what I have said. Good Luck!

Sunayana Vinay Kumar