Not many of us can escape a frown on our face upon hearing a man introduce himself as a 'house husband', content to be looking after kids and other errands at home while the wife is out earning a living for the family.
Modern India may have witnessed a score of revolutions toward a gender-equal society but the extent to which it has been realised remains debatable.
The trend of stay-at-home husbands seems to have gained an acceptance among couples who feel such a setup can actually work well without hiccups. Ranjan Shah is proud to be one such husband, "I do not shy away from the fact that my wife goes to work and I stay at home taking care of kids and other chores." He might be a happy husband but people associated to him are not so gaga about his position. "Relatives tell my parents that 'your son has become both a husband and a wife.' That does not affect me however; division of labour, I believe cannot and should not be gendered." So, does that mean he is happy to wear the apron, do the laundry and make morning tea for his wife? "My wife, Swati, works with a travel agency that comes with erratic working shifts. There are times when I serve her dinner post midnight. Now, do you expect me to conform to 'gender codes' and ask her to prepare dinner because she's a woman and her place is supposed to be in the kitchen? That does not make sense to me," asserts Ranjan. Ask Swati about this arrangement and she says, "It is not fair to always expect a woman juggle between work and home. The husband too can be a participant in the balancing act. With him at home, I can concentrate better at work. And he's an amazing cook who can give a tough competition to all housewives," she adds.
Swati is lucky but tables have not turned smoothly for Radhika Gupta. A senior journalist with an international news agency, Radhika's husband is an aspiring writer who, though stays at home, shirks from household responsibilities. She laments, "For him, kids are a source of nuisance to his writing ambition. Hiring a full-time maid was the only solution for me. Being physically present at home does not prove any point unless there's a sense of sharing duties when running a household."
When a woman wears the pants in a household, the husband feels defeated. Dr. Gitanjali Kumar, psychologist and marital therapist explains, "Insecurity arises when the husband finds himself asking for monthly expenses from his working wife. Unless there is tolerance and minimum ego-clashing between partners, a 'role-reversal' can be difficult to pull off." Dr. Gitanjali suggests that "Instances where the husband applies for a voluntary retirement or wishes to pursue his creative hobbies staying at home, the ordeal is less severe. It is important to see at what stage of life is such a decision being settled for," she adds.
One of the world's powerful businesswomen, PepsiCo CEO, Indra Nooyi's husband called it a day and took over as the newly appointed homemaker. Not every woman however shares the same pedestal. Pakistani-American author Jabeen Akhtar feels, "Only among the upper-middle class and liberal-arts educated couples can such a setup function without a social stigma. Also, with men, house husbandry is a short-term fix. They cannot forgo their careers forever to raise children. The patriarchal grip has not dissolved completely." she adds.
Seems there's a volunteer in Sourav Mishra, a media professional in Mumbai, who cares two hoots about the husband playing the compulsory role of a breadwinner. He says, "I have seen my mother managing housework and raising kids without a whimper. I would love to be a stay-at-home husband and see my wife earn, provided I match up to my mother's dedication".
It's not about who wears the pants or dons the apron in the kitchen in a relationship, it's about performing the role well, irrespective of who plays what for the marriage to be a blissful journey.
