A Bishop had a dread of getting leprosy. He had read that the early signs are loss of feeling in the limbs, and was always pinching his legs, and if it hurt, he was reassured.
On one occasion at a dinner he reached under the table and pinched his leg. He couldn't feel a thing. He pinched it again - harder this time. Still no sensation.
The Bishop visibly blanched and blurted out, " Oh, no ! I've got it ! "
" You've got what ? "
" I've got leprosy ! "
" But how do you know ? "
" Well, one of the early signs is loss of feeling in the leg. I've just pinched my leg twice and I didn't feel a thing ! "
A young lady sitting next to him remarked, " It was my leg you were pinching, Bishop. "
Three friends decided to go deer hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher.
As they were walking, along came a big buck. The three of them shot simultaneously. Immediately the buck dropped to the ground and all three rushed up to see how big it actually was.
Upon reaching it they found out that it was dead but had only one bullet hole. Thus a debate followed concerning whose buck it was.
A few minutes later a game officer came by and asked what the problem was. The doctor told him their reason for the debate. The officer told them he would take a look and tell them who shot it.
Within a few seconds the game officer said with much confidence, "The pastor shot the buck!"
They all wondered how he knew that so quickly.
The officer said, "Easy. The bullet went in one ear and out the other."
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.
As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town, and I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don't even know the way to the post office!"
A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down, he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He looked down and to his horror saw that the canyon fell straight down for more than a thousand feet.
He couldn't hang onto the branch forever, and there was no way for him to climb up the steep wall of the cliff. So Jack began yelling for help, hoping that someone passing by would hear him and lower a rope or something.
HELP! HELP! Is anyone up there? "HELP!"
He yelled for a long time, but no one heard him. He was about to give up when he heard a voice. Jack, Jack. Can you hear me?"
"Yes, yes! I can hear you. I'm down here!"
"I can see you, Jack. Are you all right?"
"Yes, but who are you, and where are you?
"I am the Lord, Jack. I'm everywhere."
"The Lord? You mean, GOD?"
"God, please help me! I promise, if you'll get me down from here, I'll stop sinning. I'll be a really good person. I'll serve You for the rest of my life."
"Easy on the promises, Jack. Let's get you off from there; then we can talk."
"Now, here's what I want you to do. Listen carefully."
"I'll do anything, Lord. Just tell me what to do."
"Okay. Let go of the branch."
"I said, let go of the branch. Just trust Me. Let go."
There was a long silence.
Finally, Jack yelled, "Help! Help! Is anyone else up there?"